For You, I Felt Heartache.

For your soft-spoken voice, friendly mouth, skillful hand, daring and stunning appearance like a female. How beautiful!

I felt heartache.

For your loud-spoken voice, sharp mouth, big heart, tough flesh like a male. How handsome!

I felt heartache.

For you, who loves your fellow man or woman and treat them better than the man and women who loves each other in common.

I felt heartache.

For you, man and woman who love your fellow man and woman because your heart desires to love that way.

I felt heartache.

For you, who can turn to a man and woman and see yourself as an enigma.

I felt heartache.

I felt heartache, not because I want you to be like me

Or because I want to be like you

But

I felt heartache

Because I have no courage like you

Because I have no such a big love like you have

Because I do not accept that, you are able to love that way.

Indeed, your love is no different from a common love

Giving love and taking love.

But many people refuse to accept it

As they say that, your love is not a love

So you continue to resist them.

And your love in turn makes me question the love itself.

What is love?

And I realized, love is indeed a worldwide ocean.

And sometimes, even I have a cravenness to dive into its depth.

With this cravenness, I become a craven

I am a craven hidden in a body of ignorant

I am a craven who knows nothing yet about accepting your difference

I am a craven who cannot bear to see different colors in the universe

I am a craven who only knows about black and white.

With this cravenness of mine,

I felt heartache for you.

Dili, a day before pride march 20 July 2018